Irrelavant Hesitations

Life was Life

Until the 4^th of July

Then, it was as if a knife

Sliced through the Lie

That my world had become…

Suddenly all my defenses, securities and convictions

All of it- came utterly undone…

Uncertainties and impossible contradictions

Took over

Questions smothered my mind

Who am I?

What am I?

Why did she die

Before I got a chance-

to say good-bye…?

Hatred filled my heart

Consumed all contemplation

All rational thought drawn apart

Leaving total discombobulation

Of everything right and wrong

I awoke at three

Every dawn

Expecting to see

The solutions

To my questions, demands, and accusations.

Though entirely

Unavailable… unattainable…

So many emotions absolutely unexplainable…

What difference does it make?

If she gave me my temperament, my looks, or abilities…

But the uncertainty caused me to lie awake

Night after night

As the hostilities

Invaded my very being

Even though I know

-Logically speaking

This turbulent flow

Is straight irrelevant

To life

But I just can’t

Seem

To move forward…

Until I’ve resolved

The historical record…

Of those ivolved.

Where I came from?..

What is…What should have been…

What was- How I could’ve lived…

What fits…

To find me

To live my life

To finally

Know everything

And who I really be…

Conversations

How can you have a conversation
With no emotion…
In a situation-
An electrically charged infusion
Of hate, hope, regret…
A slip-slidin-slippery slope-
Of yes, no, yes… So?
All accusations thrown
With our own reservations, hesitations
All explanations
Rife with heat and biased expectations
Lead to nothing
But the further aggravation
Of Tempers & frustrations
STOP-LOOK-& LISTEN
Regardless the Circumstance
It's one we all been in
Shit don't up & change
Cuz you said so
First see it my way
Then we'll give your's a go.
It's about compromise
Stop with all the mistrust
& petty lies
All the Fuss
Over who's right-
Who's wrong
In the end
The only conclusion that
Comes from a conversation
Infused with disgusted allegations
and misguided interpretations
Are perputuated complications
& blatant discombobulation
Of the entire situation.

To the family that once was...

How do you tell someone you love,

that you no longer need the stength of their presence?

That they've done and given you all

that you were able to absorb from them.

That you've learned all they've had to teach you.

How do tell them you need to move on...

without losing them entirely.

That you'll lie awake at night,

wishing for their comforting assurances.

That you'll walk down the street,

missing their steady conversation.

How do you tell them its time to leave;

but that you'd never be the person you are today...

without their

unwavering support and unconditional love.